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Sometimes a lose isn’t a loss

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“Sometimes a lose isn’t a loss.”

I find myself telling my friends this a lot as well as repeating it many times. Adulthood is very much new to me and I face the challenges as I get them. Somethings are new experiences and we don’t realize until moments later. “Maybe I could have done this instead of that. Maybe I shouldn’t have said this.” We find ourselves saying this to ourselves after the situation has happened.

Maybe even blame and punish ourselves for what we did or didn’t do.

There is one situation I have experienced that I use as a reference in my everyday life and is also the foundation of this article.

A few years ago, a met a guy in college and we have been together up until 2019. We had a lot of on and off periods where we would break up during the later part of the year then about May, we would get back together again.

Why was I in that situation for so long? I have no idea. I don’t even want to say “because I loved him” because every time we get back together, I felt my love for him slipping away. I loved him a lot less every day.

Even though I knew exactly when we would break up, it still was painful but eventually, I asked myself, “Courtanae, this cannot be a blessing, this must be a lesson. So, what are you going to learn from it? Are you going to keep putting yourself through this pain?”

I began doing my research on how I should feel, what I should do, what I shouldn’t do, and how to boost my confidence in myself and exert the same. I still couldn’t find any articles that would satisfy the void I had because of the breakup. Until eventually, I realized the topic of this article and it changed my life forever.

That made me feel better.

Why?

When you know you cannot change or control other people but yourself, it gives you some form of relief. You eventually accept that if you can change something then don’t worry about and if you can’t change it then it’s simply no point in worrying.

I cannot force someone to love me or be with me, so I had no reason to be mad about it. It sound’s harsh but it’s the truth. What I could do, is find someone that appreciated me for who I was and not what they wanted me to be.

After a while, that principle applied not only to my intimate life but everything else: work, school, friendships, finances, (literally everything)

There was no point in going crazy about a bad investment, contemplating walking away from a toxic person, leaving a horrible job, even spending less time on a business so you could seek another job. Over time, nothing became a problem for me anymore.

This low-key scared me because I wondered why I didn’t make some things that bothered me that tormented others.

But the answer is simple really.

All you need to do is have an open mindset and understand that sometimes that didn’t work out isn’t necessarily is a loss but a hidden opportunity, lesson, or blessing in disguise.

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