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This is why I hate to follow up on people, every time I see people accomplishing things I want to do I feel so terrible. Every day I look around, people are getting married, earning millions of dollars in sales, gaining new followers, losing weight, looking more beautiful and sexier, having children, getting new jobs and so much more.
I am happy for them do not get me wrong but I feel awful because I am nowhere close to achieving those things. Every day that passes, I feel like I just waste a day.
A day turns a week, month, and then a year. It sends me in depression or mental breakdown when I see times passes and I still haven’t gotten a sale or move on to another job.
I feel so hopeless because in every aspect of my life I feel like I am failing. I hate the management at my job because they make life worst for us as employees and they refuse to pay us, I hate that I am unable to meet my sales quota every month, I hate that all I can do is pay my bills and nothing more. There is no money to save, buy groceries, food, or clothes.
I have not been on a vacation for almost two years to relieve any of the stress I am feeling and being cooped up in the house I feel my mental health deteriorating.
I have been depressed for months and I saw another person getting married again and my friend starting a new relationship and I feel bad because not even in that sense I am doing well.
Every guy that comes along with something is wrong, either I don’t like them like that or vice versa.
When will be my time?
I ask myself that every day. When will be my time? When will I be able to achieve my goals?
The worst part of this is taken from my motivation. I am not motivated to do anything because everything I try fails. You also cannot find someone and make them fall in love with you, this is something they would have to do of their own free will.
I am just tired.
Tired of everything. I have no motivation to keep going.
I feel like just retiring under a rock and just cry every day because honestly, it makes no sense for me to keep trying. What’s the point does doing something for so long and there are no benefits?
I keep trying, and trying and trying and nothing works.
Are my blessings being blocked? Am I not doing enough spiritually?
Even my best friend has changed, a lot of things he used to do he has to stop doing, and I cannot help but think it’s because of me. For example, he used to call me every day all day, and now weeks will pass and I get no video calls.
I try to talk to him about it but he says it has nothing to do with me but truthfully I do not believe him.