Motherless Fathers

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Over the years, absent fathers have been blamed for producing poor father figures. However, fingers should not only be pointed at fathers, as there is another key family member to be blamed. Believe it or not, absent mothers especially in a son’s life, can ultimately lead to incompetent fathers.

A mother’s role is to love her children with all her heart, nurture, protect—providing emotional, psychological and supporting her child by whatever means.

Inarguably, the role of a mother has been rapidly changing. Work-load has  increased and taking care of the children has become even more difficult. Particularly in the case of boys, not having a mom around can cause numerous negative impacts transitioning into adulthood.

The Trauma

Studies have proven that the first sign of a mother-child bond begins inside the mother’s womb. Gradually, the fetus reacts to maternal sounds and even scents, which prolongs after birth.

During childhood, if there is no evidence of mom in sight, the child will anxiously conduct his/her own search for mom. This is seen sometimes when the child publicly runs up to an unfamiliar female, hoping that she approves to the call of mama or mommy. Imagine a child suffering from anxiety already at this stage due to the mother’s absence.

Perhaps this may be one factor for some introverted men, because they lack the complete confidence they would’ve been taught by mom to communicate effectively with females. Additionally, he would not be confident enough to impart on to his own children the virtues they should know.

 

Social & Psychological Effect

How this little boy responds to his environment, if not controlled early can spiral out of control. Some would argue that this is where the father should intervene in a disciplinary manner. However, a father can only do so much as the gap of a MOTHER’S LOVE continues to grow larger and larger. Ralph Waldo Emerson says,

“Men are what their mothers made them”.

Furthermore, a man not grown with a mother’s love can lead to a number of emotional issues. Among that list is aggression. This is even more portrayed after the death of the mother at an early age. A study published by The Child’s Development, 2011 edition, reveals that a mother’s unconditional love reassures the son that he is lovable and quite capable of returning love. This may later prevent the idea of him becoming a cold father/husband.

Dr. Orville Taylor in an article online, illustrates how mothers play a vital role in crime reduction. Without a mother in her son’s life, the psychological impact it leaves can be very dangerous. For instance, making genitalia-laden comments about a man’s mother might cause some tension; ultimately stimulating aggression, which may later become the battle ground of fists or worse.

 

Depression

A mother’s love is so powerful that it can affect her child’s brain. As boys become men, the absence of a mother figure can lead to serious depression. Medical Officer, Carolette Brown explains that depression in Jamaica has been on the rise, especially in men. This she adds can lead to alcohol abuse or other harmful measures of coping.

Possible Reasons For Mothers Absence:

  • Work Commitment
  • Illness
  • Death of Mother
  • Incarceration of Mother
  • Unbalanced Relationships
  • Poor Time Management

Treatment/ Counselling

Counseling is very important for any child during the absence of a mother. Throughout childhood, mothers are vital in molding young boys to become not only good citizens, but fathers as well. Helping a child cope during this difficult time is not only crucial, but a delicate process. Therapy sessions should also be consistent during adulthood to further decrease the likelihood of incompetent fathers.

 

If you or anyone you know require counselling on this subject matter, please contact your nearest school, community or national counselling centre.

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